Should I have left the wart lady ?

I always wonder if I will end up like Paula Abdul for going to a cheaper nail salon, you know, where the manicures are $8 instead of $13 in the city. She got reamed for suing a crap shoot of a salon after she got a fungus infection on her nail or something, I think.

This lady had a huge wart on her hand as she began my manicure. I thought, “ do I say something”- but they seemed so happy I had wandered in this salon. “ I will just pay close attention so that the wart doesn’t touch my hand”- One hand was buffed and rounded and the other was ¾ done, and then my phone beeped. “ I wonder who that is, better check” I thought, and just as I reach out to my phone I felt a flaky cap of skin, UGH! CONTACT! I felt the crust wart touch my hand, naked flesh against flesh. Why was it not bandaged? Didn’t she know I could see it? Were others glaring in the window judging me and my choice of nail salon? Did they know the secret of the wart? Is that why I was the only one in there!

This was the first time I said no to the free hand massage during the manicure and lied saying “I am in a rush”. I bet she knew her wart had scared me because I then sat and proceeded to dry my hands under the dryer for 12 minutes. I usually love that hand massage, but all I could think about was four naked hands, rubbing and kneading, entangled with cheap lavender lotion, like a STD scare in college after unprotected sex.

Police Urge New Yorkers to Keep Watchful Eye.

Police urge New Yorkers to stay vigilant after receiving a phone call late Friday evening that a birth stone pinky ring with square red stone and diamond chips on the side had gone missing in Astoria, Queens.

Authorities say to be on the look out for a male suspect, 46-54 years of age with a jet black, bouffant hair style, exceedingly tan skin and a white polyester jump suit with designs or sequins. They believe him to have a powerful overabundance of curly, salt and pepper chest hair, and carry one of those Barker-esque microphones with him. Be advised.

Advertising Genius Found Street Side Signed as PR Rep for Dodd/Bartels...

Queens, NY.
Kenny Tafta, street chef, and Long Island City resident for nearly fifteen years was just signed as lead PR Representative for the New York comedians Dodd & Bartels.

"Tafta has the most popular heroes in Queens" explained Bartels, "we wanna be that popular."

A phenomenon that can only be attributed to his unique marketing skills, Tafta has customers lining up around 31st Avenue at lunch time daily. Urging consumers to not "be afraid" when trying his street side cart lunches, and using positive expressions such as "yah" and "yahhh" has helped his sales flourish in this shaky economic time.

"I usually get the falafel." Smiled Dodd.

When asked for a comment, Tafta quipped "I sell hot meat for a living, this shouldn't be much different."

Dodd and Bartels are booked to perform at The Neptune Diner through the holidays in a comedy sensation entitled They're Good, Don't be Afraid, Just Try Them, Yahhh.

Dodd and Bartels Video Debut!

In 1993...

A 10 year old "Jenny" Dodd wrote in her diary:

"Maybe I'm not normel. I'm breaking out in tiny zits! Maybe I'll make them look like freckels. I hate this pre teen stuff. Life's hard. Jonathan Brandis is so cute. I want to do it with him and I want a baby. I wish I could meat him."

A Bad Lunch.

As the giant soup can crept quietly behind the unsuspecting Janie to ravage and murder her, he thought to himself "I hope she's not a screamer. That would be SOUPer."

Cookie Monster Shaves his Legs...

...for the right muppet.